Have you ever tried wondering how big the universe is? And if so, tried to understand how it could get bigger or smaller? My problem is not with the whole size thing…my question is: “What´s out there, beyond the universe?” And then, after the whole head blowup and nosebleed…I reach to my friendly neighborhood comic books…They have all of the answers! And they are not offbeat or crazy at all! (must…keep…a…straight…face…)

If DC got the whole big bang theory right, we should start by mentioning The Triarch. Who could forget the creator gods of Maltus (Oans transformed into Gods, of course), who later evolve into the Guardians of the Universe? Or his three gleeful kids: Quarra the Creator, Archor the Sustainer and Tzodar the Destroyer? Wait, who the hey are these yoyos? So you are telling me it wasn´t all about Adam & Eve? Where does God fit in all these plans?

Maybe the guys over at the House of Ideas (Marvel, for those who didn´t experience the 70´s hand by hand with the M.M.M.S.) have got it right. Who created life? Maybe you can´t help me understand what´s beyond what we know (according to the last “Secret Wars” just blank space, which makes it conveniently easy to draw, ink and color…!) but at least to know who is responsible for the existence of all life in the Multiverse (Remember, we live in Earth 616)…none other than the “One-Above-All”! 

Wait ´till you hear who´s his VP! None other than “The Living Tribunal”…who better than a judge of cosmic entities who ensures that “cosmic laws” (where do you get a degree for that?) are taken care of. Obviously, this fuddy buddy must talk it over with his three other faces (not kidding, once again!)…if Necessity, Vengeance and Equity agree on whatever the heck the “One-Above-All” wants…still no clue on how big the universe is and by the way…does God exist?

Back to the Distinguished Competition it is (DC, once again for those who didn´t live through those fun 70´s & 80´s in comicdom). Jack Kirby -may his soul rest in peace- gave us the whole rundown on the “New Gods”. Darkseid, Metron, Orion, Big Barda are part of a race of giant alien gods living in New Genesis and Apokolips. Their “godwave” energy release created all terrestial gods in the 1980´s post-crisis DC universe. 

However, I´d bet dollars to donuts these Gods would be way more fun! The Russian Cancer God, The Endless (how many of them are there and do they ever end?), L´Zoril´ and H´ronmeer (Gods are from Mars, too), The Presence (drinking buddies call him “The Voice”), X´Hal, The Source and of course, Superman´s Gods Rao, Cythonna, Telle, Mordo and Lorra (You´d think he wouldn´t come with his own set of Gods?) 

Vertigo Comics gave us an excellent “Lucifer”, both in comics and on TV giving us a whole lore of angels, Gods and demons. This traditional approach also works pretty well on “Preacher” as well, while Marvel has given us a whole bunch of devils (Bellasco, Satan, Mephisto, among many others). Maybe the Bible isn´t all wrong? Or maybe it wasn´t a God who created all we know... Maybe it was the “Celestials”!!! Every time I have run into one of those guys I do one of three things: a) fall asleep; b) throw up over my comic or c) violently tear the comic into pieces (even if it is in digital form) 

OK, OK, let´s give these guys some credit: I mean, they are a group of cosmic  beings who apparently guide human evolution. If you were to make a salad, these guys would go pretty well with the “Beyonders” (creators of Cosmic Cubes) or “Infinites” (Who can keep track anymore, seriously?) What´s that omnious boring sound? Yeah, it must be that big guy full of planets in his pants (“Eternity”), or maybe Oblivion, the “Gardener” (good career choice for a cosmic giant), Master Order, Lord Chaos…the only one I truly enjoy is Galactus. I mean: planets on the menu and cool heralds? Now that was a step in the right direction.

Newcomers to comics may not know all of these characters (and probably they are not missing a whole lot). Recent Marvel readers might be familiar with Jonathan Hickman´s run, where you can learn all about the Builders and other goodies (yawn!). Particularly, my favorites were “Infinite Crisis in Infinite Earths for Infinite Prices” at DC way back then and also the Beyonder´s visit to earth for Secret Wars II (Definitely would like to meet his tailor…cosmic being turned white disco dancer…Priceless!)

So, to sum it up, a couple of reflections: a) omnious overbearing cosmic beings don´t sell comics; b) we still don´t know how big the universe is, what´s beyond it and if God really exists (in comics, at least); c) Thor is the coolest “God” and the rest of the Norse Gods (Odin, Balder, Lady Sif, among many others) are probably the most well-known to all superhero moviegoers; d) Watch out! “Wonder Woman” may give us a chance to make Gods more fun (Olympus and Amazon Island) and e) I´ll sleep much better knowing that The Triarch, the Inbetweener, The Presence and the Collector are out there, making cosmic decisions for us…and staying far, far away from our weekly comics. Please.